So, its my "birthday" again...

Cor, I hate this Christmas crap.

...well, ok, no I don't. I think its a great idea, all the mortals getting together with their families, having nice parties and such, giving gifts, etc. That's great. It's a time for fun and all that.

What I hate is the insistance that is my birthday! It's not! I was born in what is now known as October, a really really REALLY long time ago. October 15th, to be exact.

Anyway. I don't rightly much feel like chatting about this. Just thought I'd say: Bah Humbug.

...for now, anyway.

Seriously...

You know what sucks about being the daughter of a deity? People are CONSTANTLY calling on you. For instance~ This is a sunday. Wonderful, wonderful sunday, at which point my dad said "and let people rest" or whatever when he made the earth.

So thats what I was planning to do on this beautifully lazy day--and then it starts. At first, it starts as a whisper, and I can't understand it. I think I'm getting a message from the man upstairs, so I go up to check-nope, he didn't call me why? Oh, no reason. Ok. Ok.

So come back down here, get settled down again, and it happens again! Still just a tiny whisper, but this time I can definately hear "jesus" in it.

And then I realize. It's fecking Sunday, and for some unknown reason, I've started hearing prayers.

This totally sucks! As soon as I realized it, it became a fullblown roar in my head! Seriously, I do no appreciate this shit. I already DIED for you damn humans, can't I please, please, just enjoy my renewed life in peace!? I don't care about your problems. If you have a problem, go ask my father for help, because I am not in that industry at the moment.

I mean seriously!


*sigh*

That's not to say, however, that I don't like going to weddings. Which I did the other day. It was quite beautiful, and I was really happy to be present, and that my presence was asked for. It's fun doing the "invisible presence" schtick. The bride and groom looked amazing, and the bridesmaids were tres chic in their dresses...it was all nicely done.

So bravo, to the couple who were married yesterday. ^__^ 
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So, for my further education on whats been going on since the last time I was down here (here being Earth, of course), I have been watching digital cable...and I'm kind of appalled.

Who the hell said I hated gay people? I certainly didn't say that! I know my dad is ok with it, and my mom well...lets not go there.

So where did you people get the idea that I would spurn them? If you *knew* everything that I knew, obviously you wouldn't assume that kind of shit.

Also, the bible? Not to be interpreted word for word. At all. Period. In fact, a lot of stuff that "I" said is really stuff that the authors wrote.

Oh, and let me get one thing straight with you all right now. Judas did what he HAD to do, else you all would be pretty screwed right now, wouldn't you? Stop painting him in such a bad light. He isn't a bad guy, and frankly I really wish he would stop beating himself up down in hell.

Although, I am pretty pissed he only got 30 pieces of silver for my arrest and subsequent death. He could have gotten SO MUCH MORE. *sigh* oh well.

So lets see, last time I was on earth, you guys were still wrong about my gender (not entirely your fault, I know) you all hated sex, you were burning "witches" (psssst~ They knew their herbs, and could have helped with that whole plague thing but...whatever) and um...in general humanity was pretty much one big prude fest.

...doesn't seem like much has changed. Well, except for the cars. Last I knew, people either walked or rode horses/carriages if they could afford it.

Oh, and for the record, the last time I was here on earth was about... 300ish years ago. Your attitudes didn't impress me so much, so I decided to stay in the background and watch.

To be honest, you guys STILL don't impress me. Maybe I'm broken, or something.

Oh, and sidenote~ I just found out Luci is here on LJ! Looks like she got bored playing down in hell. I need to ask her a couple things...I think I'll write her a letter... 

And so, against my better judgement, I have joined LiveJournal...

I've been around a good long while, and I don't normally succumb to fads or fashions. Instead, I tend to stay on the outside and look in. I mean, I can barely relate to most of humanity, so why should I even try.

However, as time has gone by I have decided that I can give in and get a "blog" as I have heard it be called.

And thus, here it is.

So, who am I? That's a bit of a doozy, and you probably won't believe me but I don't really care.

I'm Jessica, daughter of God.

....no, no you did read that right. No, you're not drunk.

I really am the daughter of God.

I see you're confused, so let me clear up a few things.

I am the one most commonly known as "jesus".

I'll bet you wanna know how that came about. So I shall tell you.

Back in the day (I love that phrase..) when dear old mom got the call from the angel, God got all excited beforehand and was like "It's a boy!"
Hahahaha and then I had to show up...as a girl. The wise men didn't know that, because they got there after all the pain and crying and "OH shit, what are we gonna do!" had been finished with. Mary and Joseph decided they wouldn't tell anyone the messiah was a girl, and gave me the name Jesus, and kept up with this entire charade up until the point I died.

Which, let me tell you, was not fun. Rawhide was used to hide my breasts, I wore these horrific diapers to hide the fact that I was suffering from the monthlies (not unlike adult diapers in this day and age...except washable. Ick.) and I had to keep a fake beard by my side all my life. It sucked!

C'mon, are you telling me you never questioned why I didn't marry anyone? Well, thats why!

Anywho. I'll take questions if you're really interested and NOT being a jerkwad. Ok? Cool.

Its late, and I can hear that irritating whisper that is my 'dad' speaking to me, telling me I should go to bed.

I wish he'd stop with that crap...
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